Trace the Origin

I have an example I will use. Plug it into your particular thought process to determine if it is healthy for you or not. The way we think explains the emotions and responses we have to things, and those emotions grant a greater understanding of why we behave the way we do. The Bible says: "in all thy getting, get understanding." As a Life Coach, I have been able to observe and understand why we do the things we do. Some people are decent, but along the way, they have picked up toxic traits that keep them bound, unable to live the life God has for them entirely. God does not want anyone in different relationships every six months. Yes, I put an s on relationships.

I can't believe my ears! I don't trust women, he said. Why? I don't trust women because of what I saw. What did you observe, I asked. None of them were faithful. That was a lot for me to take in. I had not been made aware of his behaviors before this conversation. Still, as it unfolded, this belief led him to live a risky life of multiple sex partners at once, habitual lying, deceit, unhappiness, and an inability to live. Because he believed they could not be trusted, he acted as such. He dated multiple women at once; he led them all to believe they were loved and that marriage was their result. A person like this could not properly sleep because they had to think of the next thing continually. Can you imagine living like this? You don't trust them, so you hurt them. You break them because a woman injured you, and rather than face this part of yourself and heal, you bleed the hurt on everyone you encounter. By age seven, a child's subconscious has been shaped by what is said and done before them. This person was well in their thirties, still living life as a broken little boy. Ultimately, it is up to us to decide to do right because, despite what we saw, we know what we are doing is wrong.

Some beliefs can ultimately destroy lives and others in their paths. We must arrive at a point where we examine the hurt and pain, trace the origin, and heal properly. Some will not condone going back, but some doors have to be closed before moving forward. How can a person in this position move forward without having a conversation or writing an unsent letter to the woman that scared them?

What do we believe?

Why do we believe that?

Who told us that?

Where has that belief system gotten you?

Ask yourself, is this healthy? In the example above, that would be a NO! This person runs the risk of impregnating multiple women, spreading STDs, damaging good women emotionally, being physically hurt by a scorned woman, never living, and enjoying life, ending up alone. We have to dig if we want to heal. Roots grow deep, and sometimes they are hard to pull up. With help, they can come up, but there has to be a willingness to do the work. Reread this if you must to determine how I was able to gather this by asking simple questions. Then use this example for every belief that may erect over ten days. Grab a journal and get to organizing those beliefs. You deserve better, just like the person in the example. But you have to want better.

Common Beliefs:

1. I can't trust anyone.

2. Nobody loves me.

3. Good people do not exist.

4. Love hurts.

5. Time heals all wounds.

6. Expressing your feelings is disrespectful.

7. Therapy is for crazy people.

8. If you stop thinking about it, it will go away.

9. A new hairdo means a fresh start.

10. Money is the root of all evil.

11. The world is not safe.



I love hearing your thoughts, please email me at latoyanicole@solocoaching.net to let me know how this helped you. Don't forget to share this link with a friend or two. 

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