Updated: Jan 22
It is imperative to be sure about who you are and your purpose in life. A clear vision will keep you focused on your destination leaving little room for exits that take you off course. Growing up in a household with dreams more significant than what you are experiencing can be challenging; when you share them having your light dimmed causes doubt to creep in, and before you know it, uncertainty has shaped your life. You no longer feel you are capable of anything but what you saw: households without husbands, men who are upheld by their mothers in their error, daughters who don’t know their fathers, and another generation of dysfunctional patterns. At some, you will feel this urge to go higher, yet the chains remain. What do you do when someone else can recognize your ability but your heart stills hear “you will not amount to anything”? Imagine desiring so much more while the grip of becoming a product of your environment has you in chains? You want to believe, but your mind operates from someone else’s armor. There was no cultivating, no attention paid to what you were good at, no one to say they are proud of you. There was no one to push you forward to do better than what you saw. No one to say, you will be better than I was.
I didn’t have an obvious gift, nor did I consider myself an intelligent person; I felt so alone and useless that I began to question my existence at an early age. Eventually, I stopped sharing my dreams. I suppressed my hunger for the better. I would read magazines and watch shows daydreaming of something more, but I kept it all bottled up. No one even remembered I ever wanted anything out of life; I started to walk through life wanting more yet settling. I would immediately discern when something was not good for me, but I ate of it anyway. I looked for everything I did not have in people who did not break me even further. Crying became my only way to get to sleep. My journal was the only safe space I had. Disappointment became my identity. In every situation, I expected it. As bad as I wanted something to work, when it did not, I was not surprised.
A person’s upbringing directly affects them in more ways than they could imagine. Our mindset forms at an early age, and it will cripple your adulthood if toxic. Some are usually at the point of losing it all before they realize the issues that lie within. I was stuck in an isolated trap for the last time, on the verge of taking my life before I said enough was enough. Since then, I have fought to heal and maintain. I was in my thirties, emotionally nine years old. Now, I am making it my life’s work to help as many as I can to heal and get their lives back. What we experienced in childhood has such a grip it can take years to break free. I have encountered seasons in my life that revealed the more profound healing I needed. I am glad that I realized this was happening and did not ignore it. You have the power to change the narrative, take your control back.
It took continual work and helping others fulfill their dreams that I realized mine. In helping others, you may discover a lot about yourself too. Adamantly, you pursue. With everything you have, you fight for who you were pre-trauma. Every day a layer is uncovered, and I am actively working to be better. You will not get it all at once. There will always be areas that require work; begin. Although at times you may want to quit and succumb to what is more comfortable, finally, you believe the god nature in you and walk in who you are purposed to be.
Uncertainty has had you bound far too long, lost on this road making decisions that were not morally sound; now you know who you are. You do not have to be what you saw; you do not have to be what they called you, you do not have to be what happened to you. You can be who you are, whom your Creator entirely created you to be. Evaluate your patterns, life, feelings, and trace why you do what you do once you understand that is the beginning of being free. We cannot be who we need to be to others in fragmented states. Remember, the veil was rent. The mental fragmentation was made whole. Let’s all heal so that another generation won’t have to recover from childhood trauma, uncertain about who they are. We owe it to ourselves and our future.
The first step in this process is, there must be some acceptance and a desire to change. Once you have sat with these things and acknowledged your role, immediately seek a therapist to help you process and rewrite the narrative. You owe it to yourself to become all that you desire.
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