Updated: Apr 3
I speak about emotional setbacks often on my podcast and in other blog articles. One in particular that we do not acknowledge as an emotional setback is a breakup. Changing our hair, dressing sexier, and going out with the girls is not what you do to process this situation. Those actions say you think it was about your appearance, not the traumas of the other persons. Well, I have experienced several that ended with the same narrative. It wasn’t until I analyzed the situation more profound, I learned that what I was attracting I saw during childhood, lack of self-worth, and the thought I wired in after every failed relationship, “I am not good enough.” I knew some genetic healing had to take place. But this blog is not about that. This blog is about decluttering after a failed relationship that will promote healing organizationally. Failed relationships are setbacks that we can overcome; I am proof. I always began with organization when I experienced this. In my expert opinion, I recommend this whenever anyone experiences such type of setback. I encourage creating a space different from the one you made memories with the person.
In the first stages of processing the pain of such a disappointment, I would clean and rearrange the furniture. Decluttering of some sort is a significant first step. There are three areas to address: mental, physical, and emotional. Since this is an organization piece, my first step would be to remove anything the person purchased for me. It is imperative to get those attachments out of the way. Attachments are an excuse individuals use to keep things during the decluttering process in general. If there is a painful attachment, why keep it? You may not want to throw away something so valuable, so donate it to a thrift store. Or maybe you know someone who can benefit from having it. The object is to get it out of your possession so that you can heal and get over the person. Attachments keep wounds open. Attachments are energy; heck, everything is. If you want to release, you must let go, or their power will remain. You do not wish to reminders that can cause regression. Open wounds can get infected, and that infection can spread. Everything you attempt to do, touch, think, and desire has the potential to carry traces of poorly processed failed relationship traumatic infection. Did you know reliving those experiences over and over alters your brain structure and will become automatic responses? That’s why when someone breaks your heart ten years later, it feels the same way as ten years earlier.
So, let’s grab those boxes and start clearing out your space. Everything that the person purchased: books, purses, jewelry, cards, clothing, shoes, candles, EVERYTHING! Change the bedding if there were sexual encounters. Toss the pillows, the sheets, the comforter and buy new ones. If you understand the benefits of sage, cleanse the area with it. If this frightens you and you think it is demonic, then do what is comfortable for you. When we cut covenants, there has to be some effort to clean the person’s energy. Failure to do so results in constant dreams about the individual. I can go a step further, drink herbal teas that detoxify the blood. A man’s semen goes into your bloodstream if an egg doesn’t fertilize, so you are carrying him around because he has altered you on a genetic level. Yes, it’s that deep.
Write 2 Heal Reminders will pop up. There was a song my ex sent me, and every time I heard it, I skipped it until I could listen to it without going back to that place. The healing process is an intentional act, being mindful and continuous work. Many do not adequately heal because they do not want to do what’s required. The more you flex that muscle, the more you will drop it all to make sure you are WHOLE. Emotional declutter helps improve emotional wellbeing and mental health. As the emotions surface, journal what you are feeling and your thoughts as you feel them. This exercise will make you more aware of how and why you think what you think while freeing yourself of it #healthruwriting. Releasing that trapped energy benefits your mental and physical health as well. The person with unprocessed bitterness probably has heart-related medical problems.
Step Three Clear out the phone! Delete the phone number and block it if that’s what you need to do to heal; delete the text thread and delete all pictures of the person or images of things you two took together. When you delete the number, there won’t be the temptation to call. Most of us do not remember phone numbers, so that is a plus. Blocking the number prevents reentry from the other person’s standpoint. You may not call, but they may try to contact you at some point. Imagine being so far in your process, then hearing that voice throws you off track. You were not ready, so avoid it and block them. The moment that text thread disappears, you know you are on your way. I was one to go back and reread a text. OMG, I promise it does not help. I was a victim of a compulsive liar; as I reread those words, it angered me. I questioned the validity of all of it, causing me to grow even angrier. Going through the thread also brought more to the surface because I began to see the communication gaps I had not noticed before. It proved that the person was seeing someone else, but that new information did not benefit me at that moment. So, delete, delete, delete. Rid yourself of the pictures on the coffee table, and the same applies to those in that camera roll. The reminiscing is detrimental.
Recovery Expect to hit emotional lows, so make sure you have a counselor or a coach during these times of interruptions. You want to maintain a high vibrational frequency because what you put off emotionally is what you attract. Healing in every facet is essential. Organization brings a fraction of healing while seeking help will drive it home. Prayer and meditation help also. As you declutter, it may cause you to cry, do not hold back the tears. Let the tears flow; they are a language our Creator knows how to decode, stop and take breaks if it gets overwhelming but let it all go. Before getting back out there, work on yourself and heal those wounds. Learn from the last relationship and apply what you learn in the future.
Lastly, if you are friends on any social media platform, unfriend, unfollow, block, or delete. Take these steps to sustain yourself. Seeing them will not help; seeing them with the other person definitely won’t, as the humiliation will brew knowing the entire time they were with someone else. That feeling of “everyone knew but me” will arrest you, and you do not want to get trapped there. So, clean up and clear out.
10 Minutes Per Day Keeps The Clutter Away