Updated: May 1
In my recent blog post healthruwriting.net I spoke about emotional setbacks. There were several examples but I highlighted failed relationships. I have experienced several that ended with the same narrative. It wasn't until I analyzed the situation deeper I learned that what I was attracting I saw during childhood and some genetic healing had to take place. But this blog is not about that. This blog is about decluttering after a failed relationship that will promote healing organizationally. Failed relationships are setbacks that we can overcome, I am proof. I always began with organization when I experienced this. I had to create a space different from the one I created memories with the person in. In the first stages of processing the pain of such a disappointment I would clean and rearrange furniture. This may not be your first step but at some point try it. Then I would remove anything the person purchased for me. This is very important in getting those attachments out of the way. Attachments are actually an excuse individuals use to keep things during the decluttering process in general. If there is a painful attachment why keep it? You may not want to throw away something so valuable but that's what thrift stores are for. Or maybe you know someone who can benefit from having it. The object is to get it out of your possession so that you can heal and get over the person. Attachments keep wounds open. They provide reminders that can cause regression. Open wounds can get infected and that infection can spread. Everything you attempt to do, touch, think, desire will all be laced with poorly processed failed relationship traumatic infection. So lets grab those boxes and start clearing out your space. Everything that was purchased by the person: books, purses, jewelry, cards, clothing, shoes, candles, EVERYTHING! If there were any sexual encounters I urge you to change the bedding. Toss the pillows, the sheets, the comforter and buy new ones. Most will think it is extreme but change the mattress. Covenants were cut there and this may be why the dreams of the person persist.
Reminders will pop up. There was a song my ex sent me and every time I heard it I skipped it until I could listen to it without going back to that place. The healing process is one of intentional acts, being mindful, and continuous work. Many do not properly heal because they do not want to do the work. The more you flex that muscle the more you will drop it all to make sure you are WHOLE. Emotional declutter helps improve emotional well being and mental health. As the emotions surface journal what you are feeling, and your thoughts as you feel it. This exercise will make you more aware of how and why you feel what you feel all while freeing yourself of it #writeyourselffree. Releasing that trapped energy benefits your mental and physical health as well. The person with unprocessed bitterness probably has heart related medical problems.
Clear out the phone! Delete the phone number and block it if that's what you need to do to heal, delete the text thread and delete all pictures of the person, or pictures of things you two took together. If the number is no longer saved you will not be tempted to call. Most of us do not remember phone numbers so that is a plus. Blocking the number prevents reentry from the other persons standpoint. You may not call but they may try to contact you at some point. Imagine being so far in your process then hearing that voice throws you off track. You were not ready, so avoid it and block them. The moment that text thread is deleted you know you are on your way. I was one to go back and reread text, OMG I promise it does not help. I was a victim of a compulsive liar, as I was reading those words again it angered me. I questioned the validity of all of it causing me to grow even more angry. Going through the thread also brought more to surface because then I began to see the gaps in communication I had not noticed before. It proved that the person was seeing someone else but that new information did not benefit me in that moment. So delete, delete, delete. About those pictures, if you got rid of the pictures on the coffee table same applies to those in that camera roll. The reminiscing is detrimental.
Hitting emotional lows are to be expected, so make sure you have a counselor or a coach during these times of interruptions. You want to maintain a high
frequency because what you put off emotionally is what you attract. Healing in every facet is important. Organization brings a fraction of healing while seeking help will drive it on home. Prayer and meditation helps also. As you declutter it may cause you to cry, do not hold back the tears. Let them flow this is a language our Creator knows how to decode, stop and take breaks if it gets overwhelming but let it all go. Should you decide to entertain giving the person another chance do so from this healed place, with fresh perspective and standards that they will have to rise up to. Definitely make sure they have healed or begun the process too. Otherwise you are only going back to what broke you.
Lastly, if you are friends on any social media platform unfriend, unfollow, block, or delete. This is what will sustain you. Seeing them will not help, seeing them with the other person definitely won't as the humiliation will brew knowing the entire time they were with someone else. That feeling of everyone knew but me will arrest you and you do not want to get trapped there. So clean up and clear out. 10 Minutes Per Day Keeps The Clutter Away